Those who have found ourselves in a Coach role know that very often – during our introductory sessions with our Coachees as well as later on – we need to clarify that in coaching no advice is given from the Coach to the Coachee, and that this is an important (although not the only) area that differentiates coaching from mentoring or advisory.

There are several reasons why people who are seeking to be coached have this mistaken impression. We indicate some below:

• The widespread use of the term ‘Coach’ in the sports field has contributed to associating coaching with advice giving.

• Even today, decades since the coaching practice has been widely used in our country, we have not found the appropriate word to describe the right meaning of the term in our language. If we attempted to ask our friends and colleagues, it would be fair to expect that most would mistakenly interpret ‘coaching’ as ‘guidance’. Only a few might associate it with the Socratic method and with the ‘art and science’ of asking powerful questions that elicit insightful answers.

• Leaders have been using coaching interchangeably with other methods – and that is desirable. However, because in the flow of the discussion it may be difficult for the leader to say “I will now stop offering feedback and begin coaching” or “I will now stop coaching and begin directing you”, team members do not realize any distinction between the methods, especially if they are not familiar with the coaching principles. Even though their leader has allocated time and energy in order to support them using a range of methods and tools, for them their experience – for lack of another name – is referred to as ‘coaching’.

• “If I already knew what I was supposed to do I wouldn’t have come to you” is a response we often get when – with the best of intentions – we attempt to offer coaching. Listening to this phrase and out of a desire to give value to those reaching out for us, we succumb to the pressure to respond with a good advice, even if deep down we are aware that it is more effective for our coachees to come up with their own answer, as well as to take accountability for their own decisions. And yet, in doing so, we unwittingly contribute to perpetuating the pre-existing difficulty of distinguishing coaching from mere advice giving.

What is the way to deal with it:

1. Training – even though we may only have limited time, it is important to invest a few minutes in explaining to our team member who is reaching out for coaching what it is exactly and in which ways it differs from other methods such as feedback, guidance, advisory or mentoring.
2. Boundaries and consent – we need to set boundaries around the practice and to get the team member’s consent with regards to what is to be done. How do we do that?

“I am aware that you have reached out to get advice and I promise you that, if we find ourselves under pressure or in a crisis, you will get the advice or solution you need from me. But, right now, I think it will be more beneficial for your own growth to support and empower you to find the answer for yourself. I believe that you no longer are at the point where you used to be, when you needed ready-made solutions and answers, but instead that you can grow and have more autonomy and self-reliance in the tasks you undertake. What do you think? Want to give it a try?”

If we get a positive response to the above questions, here is what is then needed from us:

3. Practice and discipline – for all the reasons we mentioned in the beginning, offering coaching may be more challenging than we think (even for experienced or well-trained Coaches). The advice is to approach the practice with a growth mindset, thus with the belief that – even if at times we succumb to pressure or the habit of giving advice – using persistence, practice and discipline we may seek to continuously improve in effectively applying the method.